Sunday, August 30, 2009
I wish I can say this a few months down.
"Looking back at my previous posts, I want to forget them. It was a period so dark and morbid, and mostly in gray and blue. It was written in gray and conveyed all my blues. "
W said that she feels a dark cloud hanging over her every time she walks to school. Omg I feel exactly the same way.
Sometimes I get this inexpressible feeling. Like shocked mixed with incredulity at how you do things. I can't believe you would have the heart to do that or say that to me but you just did. I can't accept it but the fact is, it has happened and I must face it. I still don't believe how hard-hearted you must be.
Yesterday was so tiring, emotionally, mentally and physically. It's been so crazy now. Everyone's acting real childish and being all martyr-like and victims of stress. Hmm...mad week.
I realise I'm writing in a very toned-down manner. Almost sober. Again, another sign that things are not normal. I'm in a very high surreal state right now due to sleeping approx 2 hrs every night. Morning, if you'll have it.
But I found a way to solve my...insomnia(?)
It's so simple! All I had to do was sleep upside-down. ^^
In this topsy-turvy world, I guess it'd make more sense for us to see the world upside-down.
You know, in this place where the people who curse you are your friends, the ones who ignore you are the ones who claim they love you, and the people who don't know you are the ones who ask about your welfare. I might sound so cynical, but its true. And things do look a lot clearer now.
Now there's just the nightmares to deal with...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
loved on 9:27 AM
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
It's a quarter past ten
and you got to go.
So it's just the usual
Goodbyes and adieus.
Why did you ask 'why?'
when you obviously don't care
By doing all that,
you just make my heart tear.
She asked me for our future,
I said I don't know.
But really I envisioned,
the sadness and the sorrow.
You're holding on to my finger,
holding on to my hand.
But I've already walked off,
I'm sorry it's the end.
Labels: leave me out on the moonlit floor
loved on 3:59 PM
Monday, August 24, 2009
So I don't talk to you everyday.
I don't spend time.
I don't care.
I don't try.
I'm always not free.
Weelll, okay then.
I kinda thought wrong.
Have you ever felt such frustration you wanna pull out your nails(not even your freaking hair-which btw is all dry and weird cos of the sweet atmosphere of this sweet school)? Seriously. Squeamish as I am, that's how I feel now.
Lucky there are still mad people like Pam with bright orange nails and tentacles and Castro with her usual violence which shakes(knocks/slams/forces)some sense into me. And Wendy who's...mad. And minhui and her kellogg girl hahaha.
This is getting absolutely nuts. I don't even care what they think anymore.
You know this thing about migraines? You could use a million ways to describe them. They're all different. "The clear one that feels like cracked porcelain around the rim of the nose. The wriggling one that feels like torn fiber optics under the left temple. The strange, empty one that makes me feel like the front upper left part of your head has completely disappeared and been replaced by crisp air."
And, "His 'fellow migraineurs', as he calls them, include Thomas Jefferson, Emily Dickinson, Lewis Carroll, Rudyard Kipling, Charles Darwin and Elvis Presley. Reading about their epic suffering, you wonder how they ever got anything done at all."
I nv had the guts to admit to Wayne that when people tell me things, it goes in looking like e-l-e-p-h-a-n-t. All the alphabets instead of the picture of it. He'd just think I'm weird.
Anyway,I was in the bus once with a very painful head. Then I saw this very pretty girl in front of me. Her eyes are beautiful. I was just thinking if I could add eyeliner to her eye and it'd be perfect. Hmm, black glitter eyeliner! Yes, g-l-i-t-t-e-r-i-n-g. So when the bus jerked, my head went 'ouch', and the word p-a-i-n flashed across my mind. And so the word g-l-i-t-t-e-r-i-n-g p-a-i-n was mashed together in my head. Glittering pain. Seriously. I promise you guys, I'm not so weird when I don't have migraines. Lol
I'm so not perfect for you.
Not that forever-happy girl.
I hate it when he calls me instead and its not you.
He tries to cheer me up, his car his smile his charisma.
He says its better than sitting alone.
I don't agree.
Why dyou say I would run away?
But I don't know.
I have this weird mental image of me grabbing a hand and running off.
Put me in hell for that.
I think its funny.
loved on 10:01 PM
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The best possible way to screw yourself is here.
The glitter the glamour the constant pain.
The gray the blue and a red hot flame.
Burn hurt burn hurt.
"Nobody's fault but a problem here."
Who else but you to slave and to tear.
The best possible way to hurt is here.
Unexpected shocks in every little aspect.
Academically, socially, emotionally, mentally, physically.
Slowly and surely I cannot wait.
Slowly but surely the simple hate.
Eat the poison and the pain.
Feel the burden and the strain.
One, two three four.
Four four four four.
The best possible way to die.
Thankyou pam and castro and joyin and wendy and lummie and perry and fangqi.
You make me feel safe.
She said she saw a photo of that place and cried.
I thought I was the only one.
Please stay happy.
It'd break my heart for you all to be sad.
I feel like I'm hurled headlong by some force,
50 tonnes into a brick wall.
And my soul falling out on the other side.
Labels: run away
loved on 9:50 PM
Saturday, August 15, 2009
For the Week of Aug 17th, 2009 -- The Moon in your 7th House of Partnerships can attract a hard to please person on Friday. Constructive criticism expressed with kindness will build trust, but little sarcastic digs could undermine the strongest union. Agreeing to disagree for the time being won't solve long-term problems, but should avoid pointless pain.
When you're alone, a short while seems forever.
Maybe that's how you find eternity.
loved on 1:49 PM
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wednesday, Aug 5th, 2009 -- You may be ready to add more meaning to your life as mundane events at work require an increasing amount of your attention. Your workmates may not even realize how detached you feel when performing your tasks, and it's probably better to leave them out of your current dilemma. But this is not about escaping from your daily routine; it's about developing a more spiritual approach to what you must do.
loved on 10:59 PM