Tuesday, October 27, 2009
It's easy to wallow in the dark, to be cynical. It's a brave choice to be happy. It's taking a stand.
Hello people! I'm wondering if any of you would be so kind (or free) to give me a morning call at 7?
This would ensure I'm totally awake. And so would you.
I can't seem to wake at 7. My usual is 8 plus? Disgusting. Help please. Interested pls tag. (:
No guys please. Maybe P.
Oh yea, speaking of which, I got a msg from him today.
"Hey tupper. (: "
"Eh you're with Carissa!"
Lol then he replied.
So many friends but everyone has a different style! Like morse code. Anyone doing it does it differently. It's called a fist. Distinctive fist.
Anyway the tupper gave you away. Lol
Hahaha Castro! Haven't seen that tupper for so long. ):
They met at woodlands. Why don't I meet anyone cept weirdos on the mrt? -.-
My sleepyness had been caused by super good dreams! In which I'm shopping, shopping, eating or dyi
So I've always wanted to continue those dreams.
Isn't it funny how my dreams draw a parallel to my life?
When I was depressed I had so many mightmares. (morbid nightmares)
Now I'm slightly happier and it has gone away.
It's a vicious cycle!
I'm totally naming my daughter Sally. After Sue.
But do I want kids?
Okay so I just saw my bro watching some typical cartoon. It's gotten more gross. To me at least.
Now, those villains all seem to be only sporting one eye and millions of tentacles.
Cyclops+Two Thousand Leagues Under The Sea= ???
O: I'm gonna hurl. I'm beginning to think its psychological. But whatever, back to cartoons.
So after all the battling and the evil guys are being led away by the police (the hero, police and everyone else look like normal human beings) I was like,
"Waaaaait a sec, you mean the police don't find them weirdass monsters with the body modifications a tad extraordinary?"
I don't know man, the future of our next generation's gone! Not that our generation's all sanity-intact either. But yea.
Okay here's the deal, if you manage to read thus far. You are not going away with nothing!
The whole point of paraphrasing is to be Accurate, Precise and Complete!
And when picking out points just go for the IDEA, not elaboration, unless the elaboration helps to answer the qns. Be qns specific.
Code Four of National Employment System(Brazil) asks applicants to mention skin color.
However, some 80 per cent of Americans oppose affirmative action in employment and education. (findarticles.com, National Review,Paul Craig Roberts)
The term affirmative action refers to policies that take race, ethnicity, or sex into consideration in an attempt to promote equal opportunity or increase ethnic or other forms of diversity.
The focus of such policies ranges from employment and education to public contracting and health programs.
The impetus towards affirmative action is twofold: to maximize diversity in all levels of society, along with its presumed benefits, and to redress perceived disadvantages due to overt, institutional, or involuntary discrimination.
Opponents argue that it promotes reverse discrimination. (yea man, I think so too)
-taken from wikipedia
That's it, ciao, fulleta.
I'm off to watch The Simpsons! Every Tues at 9pm. *.*
loved on 8:51 PM
Saturday, October 24, 2009
He is my current fave! HAHAHA.
I just watched a hindi movie, Bhoothnath.
I think its really very nice. Go watch!
(Though he is not the lead.)
This post should be dedicated to P who managed to turn my stormy testy crappy mood into this high happy one! Lol so yea, sorry for putting this guy so big. Hahaha
I'm high on Sugar too! Yes that's Wanchun and we had a threeway convo!
Shopping with Pam and Sugar soon! XD Tis good.
Eh daughter get well soon!
Yea eh Pamela I know Pisceans can't make decisions. That's why I need a Taurus bestfriend! Muahahaha. *cheesysmile
Full out shop! *preps gear
<3 PC (for now)
I sound like those dumbos who gush about guys.
But, actually, I am.
Gush abt guys. Not dumbo.
C'mon when you've watched a show with Amitabh Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan and PC and a small guy Aman Siddiqui you'll be high too.
Castro says I look like the kind who'll have an indian bf. Not that anyone can't, but lesser probability yea. Lol. And Joanne says I look like the kind who'll stick to just one partner, but never get married. LOL I think its pretty funny. Seems to describe me though...Hmm my friends know me so well. (erhem, p the buyaolian)
The world doesn't seem so bleak anymore.
Sorry I'm ignoring so many.
"It all revolves around you"
-Come What May
You shouldn't be bothered about me anyway. I know your lives are so sucky. Sorry I can't help! I'll give it a shot next millenium. I promise.
I've only 2 words I guess.
Oh yea! I rmb this guy on the mrt (again) he came closer to the pole where I stood so I stopped leaning and held on to it instead. So I turned my econs book and my hand left the pole for like 2 secs? And when I reached for it I touched his shoulder! GROSS. He leaned.
*insert awestruck music like its a huge sin
Anyway, so I immediately had a furrowed-brow-glare thrown at him which lasted a sec. Then a woman caught it and she started snickering. Lol
I bring joy to people when I make funny faces. (okay that's what I like to think anyway.)
Labels: pretty happy
loved on 10:22 PM
Thursday, October 22, 2009
MRT and kids.
You know I always encounter funny stuff and its got to do with kids.
The time a baby was bawling its head off and the Mum was all embarrassed and exasperated. Then I was standing at the side beside the door. The baby pram was just in front of me.
So the baby knocked its blanket off and the Mum bent down to pick it up.
So the baby was mid-brawl was he looked up at me and caught me giving an amused half-smile.
The baby immediately, (it was like cut off hahaha) stopped crying. Then looked away half smiling and half shy cos I caught him crying hahaha.
Omg super cute.
Then the Mum whirled up again to find that her baby had miraculously stopped crying.
Oh and P and I were reminiscing the time the choir grp went dinner and I had a paedophilic attack (rear attack right...) and was flirty-teasing acting-mummy-ish with a kid. He asked whose balloons and I had like 5 (lol! Vday from Brent! to class.Which I koped from the guys) so I gave one to him.
Then he was going off then I said,
"What must you say?" (Imagine that same tone Mum's use one kids)
Then he went, "Thankyou!"
Omg, totally made my day.
Then the time when I was meeting Topless 5, w/o the Topless (Pamela) so it was just 5.
Then I rmb I had no time cos I was late (surprise, surprise) then they were all happily in SK alr.
So poor me, alice-abandoned, made my own way to Citylink's NYNY. (Yayy, usual meetup place.)
I decided to be good and bring my inorganic chem book which I (failed to) read in the mrt.
I was feeling all uncomfortable cos I couldn't stuff my booklet back in my bag, the tiny brown sling from Florence. And I was wearing my sis's yellow dress (I'm usually not bright, trust me) plus her gold sandals. And Mum's red knit throw thing. So I was itchy and late and my hair was sticking up and I was trying to study and Joanne called to complain (or laugh, or both).
Oh oh, to the point, so there was this rather cute guy in all black and cool hair at the side of the door and I stood in-front-beside him. Which is in front of the seat behind him. So there was this lil kid who was so pretty! And the guy so cute (but I digress) so I was distracted from studying. Anyway I've a thing for indian kids. No, girls. They've such hot eyes laa. She kept glaring at me though, so I didn't smile at her.
But the funny thing was this. The guy didn't stand like conventionally, butt-to-glass (sorry too crude) but was facing out. Like facing me. SO the kid started stroking the glass HAHAHA. Like his shorts or sth.Then when he looked at her with a stoned, okay-this-is-awkward face, she pouted and squeezed next to her Mum and glared at him. Lol!
Me, being uncontrolled sometimes, burst out laughing.
Then quickly fumbled and pulled out my phone and smsed Joyin, while sniggering behind my phone. Ohmygod. Lol
Then the guy turned around and started facing the other way. Then the lil girl started boxing the glass (the guy's butt) with both fists, and a furious expression on her face.
Oh man I shall never stand at the glass partition again. Lol
I always have such fun encounters,not like my cousin's -Lol, SF hope you're not reading this- who had a drunk and gross guy puke beside her. Eewwww. She wasn't v specific (who would?) but I gather she did not come off very happy. Nor clean. Hahaha.
Gosh this is evil. (Bad karma! Sorry, SF)
I was supposed to wake at 7.Woke at 9. I was dreaming about shopping in Korea! And consciously decided not to wake up. I already chose stuff! And the things were so nice I wanted to look around some more. I was busy calculating from the won to sgd. How weird my dream was. Black dress for Pam. Nice keychain and softtoy for Joyin. Then a pencil for Sohmin. And another for Minhui. I still rmb how they all looked like! I was deciding between an orange or purple for Cihui and decided on purple. Then I was at the quirky toys section buying for Castro and Henry. *9 o'clock alarm. I had to wake. I'm sorry guys, I didn't get round to paying so I don't have them with me! Urgh
I think I'm happiest at night.
Before I sleep.
When I hug all my pink pillows and there's my pink bedsheet.
Pretty painting of a house I love.
Warm and safe under the covers.
The soft blanket.
Up in my high bed I've only my mind to be afraid of.
The comfort in the darkness.
I've passed another day.
The grayish black sky, cloudless.
I'm warm and secure.
I look into the skies and live the life I want in my mind.
In my unconscious I am free.
I'm riding this chariot to heaven.
I'm safe in my mind.
I'm damn scared.
Don't blame me for being anti-social.
I don't know, I'm sorry if I made anyone sad okay.
It's just that "nobody considers me or what I want." And "doesn't anybody ever think that my heart has been broken a million times over?"
(I just realised I quoted this w/o ze book and its word for word.) (I realise there're lots of brackets)
"I knew I sounded like a spoiled brat but I couldn't help myself."
Never Say Goodbye, Janet Quin-Harkin
"I also felt I couldn't continue like that. From the outside, I probably seemed all right, like a robot that had been fairly well programmed to behave like a human being: I hadn't made a scene, I hadn't cried, I hadn't embarrassed anybody. From my point of view, from the inside, it was a different story.
Perhaps it was a sign of success to make it through the day and then to the end of the evening without cracking up, or screaming, or having a flaming row. But that wasn't what I wanted from my life, that horrible feeling of dissociation, of acting a part that didn't belong to me, of being a person I no longer knew."
What To Do When Someone Dies, Nicci French
Labels: guys, hate, kids love, mrt, sing
loved on 10:39 PM
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
you used to call me a mermaid for living in my own world.
MP has new collection!! Hahaha I realise I always go when they release and nothing's sold out yet. LOL. But! Nothing nice so sad. No, glad, I nv spend moolah.
Pamela has done something marvellous. I'm quite grossed out and keep thinking I ate a weevil. HAHAHA. Even if its not in the pasta, maybe it jumped in!! So close can. O:
yeah go sleep la maybe just now your pasta had a... weevil in it!
I doubt a tiny weevil would give you stomach problems
you nv know
(I am good at creating suspicion HAHAHAHAHA)
i'll eat porridge or sth
no more pas-- WEEVILS!!
See, some people are positively (we)evil!
Anyway, I'm bored, and so are you, here's the lowdown on Pisceans!
Turns out I'm not neurotic. Its in my nature.
Use your imagination often. The Pisces woman lives in a fantasy world that she has created in her mind. She believes in magic and fairy tales, and loves to immerse herself in a mystical world of make-believe.
Pisces are one of the most emotional signs of the zodiac. They are sweet dreamers who like to think of the world as a beautiful place. So, sometimes when the world proves to be cruel, their natural instinct is to swim away. (Check. )
Don't ever make fun of her tendency to escape into her own dream world. She will feel offended and possibly remove you from her life. Instead, make an effort to be imaginative and indulge some of her wildest fantasies.
Be aware of her tougher side. Pisces women are highly sensitive and sweet, but they have a dark side that comes out when she is hurt or disappointed. (Ooh, okay quite accurate)
Even if you've never witnessed this side of her, it is in your best interest to prepare yourself for when it inevitably comes out. This will remind you to never do anything that might offend, hurt or disappoint the Pisces in your life. Some of the things that truly bother a Pisces are people who are dishonest, people who neglect and ignore her, and people who are extremely rude.
(I think I'm actually okay with rude people. Although I'm a social snob.)
Here's the deal, most Pisces are emotional people. They are very sensitive when it comes to feelings. When you praise one, they feel excited. When you piss one off, they'll swear revenge. (Lol!) Be on their good side.
Use all of your wooing skills. Pisces lives in another world. This dream state is ruled by beauty and imagination. Pisces are not averse to flowers, candy and poetry. Candle-lit dinners and serenades rank high on the fish's list.
A dreamy Pisces person is not an easy fish to catch. While Pisces people seem to be space cadets, they are also the true romantics and visionaries of the zodiac.
(Unfortunately I'm a cynic, not a romantic)
Ask your Pisces date questions. When your date responds, listen intently. Pisces people are often called upon to play therapist for everyone. They love when someone gives them a chance to talk.
(I like strong, silent type I guess. Not annoyingly chatty kind. Urgh. So...another check.)
(Actually I love people who can do physics. They must be a genius! I'm in thrall of them.)
Reveal your artistic side. People who share this zodiac sign are usually delighted by creativity.
Act as if nothing ever happened when Pisces comes back. In their mind, they've let go of it. That doesn't mean they've forgotten, it just means it's a closed subject. Keep it that way.
(Check. Forgive but not forget.)
Be direct and honest. Although Pisces are emotional and sensitive, she will appreciate you being honest with her from the get go. In the long run, after the pain of the break up, she will respect you for letting them know.
(Everyone's like that la.Truth, yknow?)
Butter him up. Make sure your Pisces knows how amazing he is as a person, but you just don't think you are on the same level anymore. He has a fragile ego and using kindness and flattery while breaking up might be the best way to go.
(Applies to all I guess. But I don't much care if the person's selfish and nasty.)
Be cold. If you truly want your Pisces to get up and leave, act distant and cold. If you become a mean person, she will leave you. She only appreciates nice and caring people.
(Oh man, I like people who treat me badly. I have no idea, actually. Oh well, skip.)
Show him an angry side. Even if you don't have one, get angry about something and smash a glass or something. He despises dramatic acts of anger and he won't want to be with someone that shows these tendencies.
(Lol! That's just kinda hilar. If he loves you, he'll stay with you, glass-smashing or not.)
Tell her you hate animals. Pisces love animals and usually have many of them. She will not be able to be with someone who can't stand her dog or cat. You will be kicked to the curb before any of their animals will be.
That's all man, study hard, ciao.
loved on 11:31 PM
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
She walked in the shadow of the buildings.
Sticky, uncomfortable, saturated air.
As she stepped out of the useless shade,
she saw the sky unmoving, the sun stark,
white against the blue.
The dark green sapling stood out
in front of her.
Tall, strong, sharply green.
The heat so oppressive, she could not breathe.
The air hung; her sweat lingered,
not dripping, not going away.
The sounds stopped.
The seconds slowed.
Time halted and stood still.
There were no movements.
Her shadow short and sad,
glanced quickly at itself,
and swayed slightly
-bogged down by the books and her black bag-
turned away, disgusted.
As she stared at the tree,
she could hardly see,
And in those seconds,
when she could hardly see,
she saw most clearly what was meant to be.
The heavens cleared,
and the sky broke.
Her sweat slid gently down her face,
the rain dripped down like tears.
Relief washed over her.
In those seconds that she saw,
she saw that it was meant to be,
she saw that she was meant to be.
And walked away,
She'd found what she was looking for.
loved on 4:01 PM
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Castro drew this in gp lect. Lol.
I shall tastefully name it as,
I Heart You(r butt).
Happiness is contagious!!
Look at pam's blog.YAY I LOVE SINGING WITH YOU FAG! Lol! I think I'm one of the "anti-establishment little child who gives the demon like-I'm-possessed expression and goes around saying she hates the school."
Okay la hate is such a rude word. I'd say dislike.
Happy graduation!! XD
James brought his guitar to school and we were all singing and taking photos and harmonizing. Lol :D
I'm in thrall of people who can sing.
Okay my bro is officially evil.
He was rambling on about hijacking accounts and I didn't believe him. Then he said his friend bet a Psp if my bro could get into his fb and gmail.
My bro proudly announced he already did it and showed me my laptop, the screen at a foreign dude's fb profile. And mafia wars in action. What the?
He also smugly told me he not only went in and "trained (the dunno what) for him" but also changed his password so his friend could not get in. How evil is that!
Then I told him not to bully his friend and that he could not, I repeat, could not ask his friend for that Psp. My bro then said his friend hasn't gotten it anyway. And that they'd agreed that they would share once he got it.
I bet my bro threatened not to return his fb and gmail otherwise. Lol
I didn't know kids are that tech-savvy now. Or maybe its just me.
My class was having a cying competition ytd and Cihui won! Daniel cheated (water from condensation on glass!), Castro cheated (Minhui's eyedrops! Lol the smart girl whipped it out the moment Wendy and Sohmin put their heads down to try to cry) and then Me and Castro teared. (genuine)
After Castro teared, Wendy insisted lit students had unfair advantage as we learn lit, which is about feelings. So not counted. Minhui called Wendy a sore loser. LOL
Then Wendy said it wasn't fair then started to (fake) bawl. James went, "You cry cos you lost?"
Wendy, "NO! Cos Minhui called me a sore loser!"
So left Wendy and Sohmin who refused to give up! Lol they kept shouting funny stuff to each other which was so hilar.
James and I laughed a lot la at the random stuff. Like Sohmin's sudden expletive of "Satan-child!" directed at Wendy.
And the guys' hushed speculations that the waitresses were all vampires.
Me "Who the hell would wanna look like a vampire?"
James, "You never know. They might've cultivated the look for very long."
Me,"Cultivated!(lol) Yea sure."
James, "Like curling the eyebrows."
Me, "Yea, and start growing their teeth."
Oh man I'll miss my class.
I think the only way to internalize,or rather, externalize hurt is to let it out of your system.
You know the saying, always remove his stuff etc,out of sight blahblah. I don't think so. Its better to let it hurt everytime you look at it. Then one day you'll realise you don't feel anything anymore. Then you've gotten over it. Hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.
Expectations, that's the key. Just like how I don't expect anything, I feel happy even when I don't get anything.
So I don't expect you to do anything for me, just so I don't have to either. Cos I realise it's not worth it. I was never much of a taker anyway.
It's better if I don't surround myself with selfish people.
I'm out of patience! Be back with some soon.
loved on 5:02 PM
Thursday, October 15, 2009
My brother is hilarious I tell ya. Damn cute. He was doing hw downstairs when he asked me on a convo to help him with his Science hw.
Lead, follow, or get out of my way says:
so water from roots for bottom leaves?
i go up la
come my room do la you lame
Lead, follow, or get out of my way says:
i doing with my fren chinese also, unless u wan risk ur life helping me with it
LOL walao no thank you
Lead, follow, or get out of my way says:
u are very welcome
2day oral chinese sia
teacher widen her eyes then stare at me
As you can see, I'm hardly elder-sis material. FAIL.
Oh but I paint with him. Develop the creative thinking and all that, right?
I teach him Eng too la.
I'm gonna teach JW Eng too! I'm doing it for free but if he wants to learn, I'm willing to teach. Fun.
Sidetracking: Wendy says everytime she's with me, I'll withdraw money once.Then say the exact same thing. "Omg its getting lesser!" Shitshitshit. Help.
Back to bro...So apparently he does nothing but tv and comp all day so its disgusting when he smugly announces he tops the cohort.
And tries to extort treats and money from his two innocent and well-meaning sisters.
"One blackmagic yoyo (details...) if I get 90."
"What's class average?" (stupid qns)
"What's your average?"
Basically now I owe him 2movie treats, psp games, a Yoyojam yoyo (it's 60-100bucks per yoyo. Not funny).
Oh and a trip to pasta de waraku.
*runs around screaming.
James the Awesome will bring his guitar tmr!
loved on 9:26 PM
Rants doesn't matter who what where when why how.
Self absorbed people are so saturated with themselves, they've no space for others.
I can never understand people who call early in the morning. Both ways, if you get it.
I have only snapped at one who called at 7 on a sunday morn.
If he had a life, he would know people don't wake at 7 on sundays.
So, if anyone is assuming I'm still awake at 2, and call, don't expect pleasantries, much less me listening to how miserable your life is.
It's annoying how people take you for granted.
Sure they say,"Hey thanks, but btw my life is sooo..."
Next thing you know, you're in knee-deep.
Not that I'm not sympathetic, but not everyone needs whining as part of their daily life. Because if you really want to know, it adds on to a person bit by bit, message by message, call by call. They take on your problems (if you count pain in tiny toe, toothache, buttache,whatever) and guess,what? They are not obliged to.
Why do people listen?
One reason.They care about you.
Why do you always (when I say always, I mean every msg,every call, every word) whine?
One reason. You don't care about the other.
If you did, the person's welfare, environmental condition, psychological situation would be duly considered and weighed in accordance to yours.
Of course, I am biased towards girls so I can actually listen to girls complain all day about the people around them and not feel even a slight annoyance. Perhaps I have a traditional mindset of girls compared to guys, where girls should submit to guys in some ways so they ought to have privileges in others. Like whining.
Let's face it. It's disgusting enough to hear whining all day. It's worse if its from a guy. It's doubly worse if its from a guy who obviously is not facing any considerable shit in his life. Its heinous if its from someone whose situation is a lot better than yours.
Cold as it sounds, if every message you send me is about you killing yourself because you have
then I shall say,Yes, go. If you cannot appreciate what you have, then yes, you don't deserve this life. Go die.
(Castro would say this is shocking and blasphemous but I'd still say it)
Because sadly, I don't deserve this too. I'm not obliged to preserve this annoying pos just because.
Life is sacred blahblah
Help who we can blahblah
Cos hell, if it means my sanity, my time, my happiness, my sleep, my studies, my heart,
all for you, Creep.
by all means,
go to hell.
Ps: Yes, I am just woken up from my sleep where finally I don't have nightmares and yes it's from the calls.
6 missed calls. 6!! Fucking hell. And none urgent either.
Don't pay-tron-ise me.
Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.
Anger has no boundaries when from a slumber drawn.
What kind of friend?
I'm sorry I've to question but you're self-centred, selfish, self-absorbed and self-indulgent.
It's all about yourself.
You don't care what others have done for you.
I have found the perfect solution to free myself.
I am hurt by what you do because I care abt you and what you say.
To remove this pain is simply, remove you.
There, much better.
Labels: go away
loved on 1:19 AM
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Okay I didn't go to school again. I can't take it anymore.
Sis: If you had 30secs to live, what would you do?
Me: Um, I think I'd run around screaming.
Sis: What?! That's a stupid way to waste 10secs.
Me: Oh. I kinda thought I'd do it for the full 30.
loved on 12:29 PM
I saw someone wearing that ugly uniform and I'm ashamed to say I wanted to puke.
I'm not even being mean. It was this gag reflex and I had to go to the bathroom before I hurled.
I saw someone's pm.
"I'd trade a million yesterdays for a tmr with you."
Uh if it'd erase the past and insure me at least another living day,
I have schoollergies. And I'm damn disgusted.
loved on 12:02 AM
Monday, October 12, 2009
Her < You < Me
W and I were asking so what if we tried, competed, fought and won? What does it mean?
I am so accomplished, while you are not.
You had everything, you were better than everyone.
We're walking towards the same end.
Is what we're doing transient?
Of course not, the process, not the end, blah blah.
(sorry buddy, not what I'm taught in school though)
What makes you better than me?
Contribution to society?
How broadly this is defined.
And how narrowly it is viewed.
Contribution in terms of what everyone can see and recognise?
Tangible, black-white recorded contributions?
Or contributions from the heart?
Helping others by simply, being there.
Making things easier.
Helping others realise their dreams, in your own way?
What makes you>me?
She asked me what I felt I took/learnt from this school.
I just stared at her blankly.
I don't know how to start.
Or what to say.
It's been such a long time.
And so many things have happened.
Smiles, laughter and lots of pain.
Minus minus plus=?
Let's just say it better prepared me for life.
Labels: yes friday
loved on 7:00 PM
Sunday, October 11, 2009
For the Week of Oct 12th, 2009 -- You tend to be an "all the way" person who gives everything when it comes to matters of the heart. However, being a good negotiator might be essential for keeping a current relationship in balance or getting a new one off to a healthy start. If someone isn't willing to meet you halfway, then he or she is not the kind of person you need in your life.
Please refrain from reading, angsty, slightly crazed rants.
I think there's sth wrong. I am feeling nothing but everything. And it scares me, frankly. I can't be alone. When I'm with friends I forget about the inside me. But with myself and I its so so awkward. Its like I don't know myself anymore. The inside and the outside are just so different. I can feel my inside bursting, screaming, crying. But outside I don't feel anything at all! Its like zero, zilch, nada. I go about doing work so mechanically it scares me. I tell myself all I have to do is cry. Then it'll be okay. But the thing is, I can't even cry no matter how I make myself. Frankly this is scaring me. I don't know how to connect these two...entities? Its a double thing going on. Oh dear. I think I cried so much everyday my tears dried up. Or my tear ducts got screwed and now I can't cry anymore. I mean its cool not being able to cry but seriously? The most I can manage is 1m3 to moist my lens. Damn it. And I can't talk to the one inside cos she refuses to talk. How retarded can she get? It's not the time to go into hiding! This is not funny. I need to get myself spiritually straightened out. I think I'll do yoga? How! How the hell do I fix this? I see the inside and outside doing such two different things.
Two different lives.
Me and myself.
Okay great I love writing. It relieves stress. Whew.
I rmb a long time ago tarot reading that scared me. It was done by Min.
Basically it was a hermit and queen of sth and sth else.
But the one that struck me most, and Min said her readings were darn accurate, was that,
"Beauty would be my downfall."
I thought if I grew into a pretty thing then yea it'd be true.
So I was scared.
Thank goodness its not happening.
One thing off my mind.
Min, thanks for the scare.
Ahh,I miss her.
OMG I just found a photo of Dheva on this lappie. And its titled "yc's bf" HAHAHA OMG. Who sent that!!!!!
Rofl. I'm dying of laughter. Shit.
I miss 4/6...
loved on 11:10 PM
We're doing our part to boost the economy.
Which Neighbour told me when he spent $30(?) or more on Starbucks in a day. Lol. I told him that since Starbucks is a foreign firm, money would be leaked away right? But true, there would still be some left.
Increase C --> increase AD --> increase NY --> increase material SOL --> (:
Seems like a logical fallacy to me. But whatever.
I got my blue dress!
Lol me and Pam were thinking what it'd be like if we wore our dresses together. Hers is black and she'll pair it with her black killer heels. Prob some clutch or small black bag? Mine would be blue dress with flowers motif and white 5-inch peeptoe heels and...straw-woven bag? Literally day and night.
Stayover was fun! XD
I got a pair of shorts with Wendy. We almost fell down the escalator laughing at the weird image of Dad squeezing into the shorts we got. Its not the thing yknow, it was the retarded (or is it heinous to use this term?) actions we made. Skunk! I was laughing to myself for so long afterwards.
I got my bodyshop day cream plus three bottles of the aloe vera thing. It's like a steal. Really if you guys use it go buy it now.
Oh and a bottle of scent which I just gave to my sister. ^.^
Omgosh we totally forgot to check for the cranberry hand lotion and the lady didn't pack it in! Luckily pam went back to get it. Whew. I was still thinking of getting out the stuff to admire look at during dinner. Should have done that. Then her hand lotion wouldn't have gotten left behind.
"Spend $5 more and get the free bag plus a bottle of cherry shower gel and some lotion. Oh, and two stamps. Spend $10 more and get the same thing. Plus one more stamp."
No need to choose. We were already goners.
Thank god for the consumeristic culture.
( its not so hedonistic okay)
I have to be more...happy since people are reading this. I don't want you guys to leave this blog with a sour taste in your mouth and endless musings about your life.
Or the lack of it.
Just like being happy is one emotion, being depressed is another, right?
Whoever said being "happy" was the "correct"emotion?
It's just one that's politically correct.
My life is so fantastic.
And yours is in the pits.
Like hell you'd know.
You've not even been there, man.
Been there, came back.
Wrong person to ask.
loved on 5:40 PM
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The one in the lift,
risen from the tome,
liked me so much he followed me home.
The one in the room,
jealous of my life,
disliked me so much, everyday she'd cry.
Enough of these dreams,
enough of these lies,
I'm living my life if I had to die.
They give me pain,
and tears and gore.
So now I won't make friends any more.
Its a vicious cycle.
Like Phin says, "depressed, write bad poems."
Then you get worse after writing and you write more...and it goes on.
Live your life and Ill live mine. Where have I hared that before?
loved on 4:14 PM
Friday, October 9, 2009
I've struck GOLD.
Yes me and Castro were lab partners in chem today and had fun!!
First our (admittedly) simple experiment,which consisted of us simply adding MnO4- (dropwise) to Fe3+ failed.
We laughed too hard and squirted copious amounts of MnO4-,causing the solution to turn Red.
Then everyone started exclaiming abt our pretty wine-colored solution.
Then after everything was done we added this wine-colored thing to the pretty greenish-blue Cr3+ solution. Then the I- and Ag+ was dumped in for good measure.
GUESS WHAT. We made gold glitters appear!! It looked very pretty, yellow shimmers in dark red solution.
Lol then we showed to everyone. I think the Ag ppted out then to cause the shiny yellow shimmers. Yayyy.
Chem (lab) is cool.
Lunch today was FUN. Lots of laughing and I think Sugar is damn cute! When me and Pam sang Kiss The Girl, she was doing this funny harmonizing thingy too! Which never failed to crack us up. Equals to singing fail. Hahahaha
Then Castro and Pam started getting touchy. Lol. Jk! But yea SHOPPING SOON. Hear hear.
Okay I have to get started on work soon.
Spent 10mins writing this poem. I've no idea okay, it does not relate to me. Doesn't make sense too.
if you wanna remain happy, kindly refrain from continuing.
It'll keep you from being mad, and me, from speculations that I am unsound.
LOL which P would say, is plain nonsense, as everyone knows I am unsound.
Eh P thanks for talking. Really appreciate it.
How you lay everything out so logically and make me see things so simply.
Just like that.
you know you spend too much time on blogshops when you refresh your page and find they just released a new collection.
Her simple boyfriend
The look gently betrays.
I won’t hurt him,
She calmly says,
I’ll give him just a taste.
She stole his heart,
The nucking fut,
And moved on to her way.
The utter truth
went up in flames,
like the Devil’s scorching blaze.
So back he came
and she still loved him
I can forgive you,
She quietly says,
I know its just a phase.
Her love downplayed
her broken pain,
And still she was all grace.
But once returned to his former place,
The Boyfriend amazed
her with his parting phrase:
I’m truly sorry
But I have to leave.
‘Cos things are not the same.
I am stressed.
Thankyou. The best you can do for me is sing with me.
The good thing is to ignore me.
The okay is to talk to me.
The worst thing to do is to pester me.
Only abt three people can call now w/o getting hell's fires loose on them.
I'm sorry for being manic depressive.
Can anyone who sees me give me your home address?
I need to hear a four-part blend or I'll go nuts.
I miss singing nonsense with people.
I miss many people.
I am not in self-pity.
I don't do zut like that.
Thank goodness for our consumeristic attitude.
So (buying) is justified.
Did Obama just get a Nobel peace prize?
Lit is therapeutic. (:
Here's a crazy poem.
Noon Walk On The Asylum Lawn by Anne Sexton
The summer sun ray
shifts through a suspicious tree.
though I walk through the valley of the shadow
It sucks the air
and looks around for me.
The grass speaks.
I hear green chanting all day.
I will fear no evil, fear no evil
The blades extend
and reach my way.
The sky breaks.
It sags and breathes upon my face.
In the presence of mine enemies, mine enemies
The world is full of enemies.
There is no safe place.
loved on 8:27 PM
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sometimes the most difficult problems have the easiest solutions.
I love all things pink. Imagine the lovely surprise when I came home to my new pink bedspread. (YES) And my numerous pink soft toys. Meshugana Bear is my fave!
(Anything black has been relegated to the bottom of the pile.Out of sight and out of mind.)
I have been enlightened. I was talking to my Dad. I know he looks so damn fierce and gangster-ish (not that he isn't, still) but he is so deep. Hmm...
I was thinking that in the LR, we're all walking towards death as the end. Like everything is transient and what I've contributed in the world might be so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And he says there two kinds of people in the world who are...bad(for lack of a better word)
1. Evil people
2. Selfish people
So I was arguing that there was no harm in looking after ourselves first. Everyone does it. Most people anyway. And that selfish people don't know they're taking advantage of others so its not their fault. Then he asked me why I was so simplistic. He said two kinds of people exist.
The selfish take advantage of the selfless but the selfless are happy giving. But does that make the selfish want to take any less? No. They ask for more and more and eventually the selfless either
So I said that would just make them cool, would it not?
"Here lies ____, who gave to the last, exchanged everything for others."
He said, no, it just shows that they're
These people firstly give so much at their own expense=dumb. And they think so highly of themselves. They think they're supermen/women who can give forever?=arrogant.
Cool. I've such a romantic view of things. No wonder Ms Chua says I always float off elsewhere and have a floaty personality. Frankly, I don't think it's my fault. My horoscope's to blame. (See? Another instance of shifty, in-own-world behaviour)
Okay after P called, I'm so much more stable now. Hahaha. Hey P I don't think anyone would seriously call that 765431 number. Lol
Oh yea I have gotta have Br do the nonsense thing cos apparently he does a pretty good imitation hahaha.
I'm so happy now! Seeing Wendy tmr and then Castro then Pamelaaaaa. Life is goood. I wanna go shop.
Oops. Okay I won't spend I won't spend! Seriously, but I haven't gotten much these days too.
Okay here's some trivia. Taken from Times, Oct 12 09, Milestones, by M.J. Stephy
(Paul) Fay recounted witnessing Joseph Kennedy,the family patriarch, scold his children during a dinner in 1959 for spending too much money. After an uncomfortable silence, JFK (John F. Kennedy) piped up, "We've come to the conclusion that the only solution is to have Dad work harder."
loved on 8:18 PM
Monday, October 5, 2009
What's the point of asking if I'm okay?
I'd say I'm fine,
regardless of hell I feel.
I'm living a lie and I'm pretty sure I'm dead.
Not literal but close.
It's all gone.
Luckily I'd had some time with Pam today.Walking ard reminded me of Czech again. Yay. I really appreciate you understanding exactly how I feel. Because everyone else trivialises it. I'm not one who dwells on anything, but some things have gotta be given due respect. Thankyou fag. Dinner was a good BFF(^.^) session and major indulgence.
I am not melodramatic.
I think I have some of the most selfless people ard me.Thanks. But its making me feel really bad. I gotta pull myself tgt soon.
Self-absorbed people are so saturated with themselves,
they've no space for others.
Look people, spare me the theatrics.
I know it seems pretty fun (or funny) to hide behind your computer and slam people, manipulating with videos or fonts and being all smarty about choice of words. But seriously, we're not fazed.
Grow up, please?
You'd think at 18 we'd know how to behave. Well, noooo, we gotta snoop ard resorting to name-calling to seek attention. Well goodluck and congratulations! Because you're here. But no one will talk abt it, so sorry, or ignore anyone for it because you are simply, insignificant.
You wanna say just desserts?
Stick it in your milkshake and eat it.
People, I've abandoned my phone. Call my house at 67654321.
Press 1 for the Living Dead, 1 again for the Numb, and 3 for Distraught.
"No, not distraught, you mean schizophrenic."
-Stranger Than Fiction
You have forced me to say this.
I am in a state where I just broke up(regardless if we were tgt) so if you think my life is free and easy and happy while you live in agony, go ahead and whine. I'm not self-absorbed, and I know a crisis when I see one. (Pam, and Castro, so sorry I've been self-absorbed and selfish. I should pull myself tgt and not leave you alone. I know some things are very difficult to handle alone and I haven't been there.)
I have been nice but at my own expense. Even I realise it. You're right. Everyone looks out for themselves first. I'm just not typical enough and too stupid for my own good. (Yes I've so many people shouting "Stupid!" at me. In one week, I'd gotten 4 smacks,with 2 on the head for good measure and for my stupidity.Thanks. I needed to see how I lived in my own utopia.
I need to wake up but I can't!
Maybe I made myself up in my head.
Not that I'm saying me being hurt and all is much of a crisis that I can't talk to anyone abt their problems anymore. I'm glad to help but please understand me? I might start despising people for being weak if you ramble on abt how you removed your wisdom tooth and wanna kill yourself. (I sound like a spoilt brat who is so unreasonably selfish) Its just that when you ASSUME I'm fine even after I told you just went through this shit and then go on and on abt yourself, it's simply not funny anymore. When you assume you just make an ass outta me and you. (I know who gives a damn. I know who doesn't. Sorry, in matters like that, I'm sharper than anything.)
Now that I'm broke I can't buy things to cheer myself up and when people who passed say they feel like dying(are you telling me I should be hanged?) and I always tell them everything's okay. Fine if you have enough justification. Like some poor dears who did study really hard. I feel for them. But please get off your ass and do sth abt your life instead of telling me how you did not study at all but got a D when you were hoping for a C. One simple thing. I do not give a damn. So get a grip and get a life.
Thank goodness the only ones I can talk to abt grades w/o feeling like I just got thrown into a industrial sized juicer are P and Pam. (:
One thing Pamela said. "How many kids out there are worse than you? Just think of that."
Yes, that's exactly what I think when I feel that life has thrown nothing at me but rotten apples and the occasional durian. I'd think that my life is so much better than half the world's kids. And nobody owes me anything anyway.
So, I don't think I owe anybody anyway so don't take me for granted.
Once bitten twice shy,
Because fyi having a worsened headache everyday is good for the temperament, believe me, and I'm developing such a constitution.
Labels: dancing souls of the dancing dead
loved on 10:55 PM
Saturday, October 3, 2009
"The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it, and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense."
-Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice
loved on 5:49 PM
Friday, October 2, 2009
"I have this comfort immediately, that it has not been more than an error of fancy on my side, and that it has done no harm to anyone but myself."
-Jane Bennet, Pride and Prejudice
loved on 10:26 PM