Cos we're friends like that
Wednesday, September 30, 2009

 I don't sing because I'm happy, I'm happy because I sing. 
-William James

For the Week of Oct 5th, 2009 -- The rest of the world might be feeling pretty weird this weekend but you've got a chance to find love in the midst of general pain and confusion. The Moon in your 5th House of Romance means that it's your turn to be rewarded with attention and affection. Don't spend all your time taking care of others and miss out on an opportunity for your own pleasure.

Wednesday, Sep 30th, 2009 -- You can unintentionally mislead yourself today by confusing a fantasy with what's really going on. Your logic might be impeccable, but it's not of much value if you start off with an incorrect assumption. Instead of drawing an erroneous conclusion, check out the validity of what you think you know. Taking this extra step now can prevent a headache in the next few days.

Sounds good. Prevent one headache. Pardon the cynicism. Having a headache everyday is good for general tolerance. Really. I've loads of it now.

You didn't know me. 
You don't care about me.
You just loved the idea of me.
In love with being in love.
( "If I were not afraid of judging harshly,I'd...")say,                 Superficial.

I'm glad of having people ard.
Thanks P for talking.
Pam, cheer up! (:
Sugar cheer up too.

Some things are best kept away.
And some left alone.

"Everyone thinks about leaping off a building."
Karen Eiffel, Stranger Than Fiction.


loved on 8:51 PM

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Top 10 things I didn't know about myself:
1. I look like I'm attached
2. If I'm not attached, I'm lesbian
3. I look like the kind who'll cheat on my bf.
4. I'm actually crazy.
5. I have weird taste (actually I guessed it.)
6. I trust girls more.
7. I'm too demanding
8. I let people step on me.
9. I'm good gossip fodder and people talk abt me behind my back. (but as I'm a gossip too, I hear abt it.)
10. My eyes turn red to white very quickly and no one can tell I cried. At least not F and P.

I'm very very scared abt everything!
It's like this gaspy feeling that I'm drowning and everything's constricting me.
Then a split second later it's okay.

I don't know if I'm sad.
 I don't know what to think anymore.

I didn't know my life is so drama.
Or the people ard me are anyway.
Channel 5 cliched drama indeed.

Perry says its not easy for ppl to be on the same frequency.

If people really care abt you, you'll know.
Validation is so yesterday.
And I'm not dumb not to know if someone cares abt me.


loved on 2:34 PM

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I'm in such low spirits.

Greg and Cass are ignoring me. They're my imaginary friends, btw. Not really la. Greg is the lift ghost and Cassie lives in the painting in my room. Anyway Minhui has Mary too! Who helped us get a seat in the library hahaha.

I think I'm really lucky to have friends.

Thanks Pam for the hug! (: I needed that.

Castro knows how I feel abt ___ too. I can just be sad and she won't question me.

And Henry! Just talking nonsense made me feel so much better.(: So glad we could meet up. Oh when I went to the toilet I saw myself in the mirror and almost died. I look like a ghost of my former self. (no pun intended)

I really miss him, bus should've come later. Henry stop thinking so much! And sorry I didn't wanna talk abt him. Heh. I'm going to get you that ugly toy in the shop, you wait. XD HAHAHA

Anyways I don't think one should bother abt what others say. When criticisms pile up, usually I get pissed and the person dies. (not literally,you wish) SO. Do whatever you want,wear whatever you want. Hell, you can be wearing a sarong and I'd still love you. Lol no offence, sarong-wrapping people out there.

Actually, I'm quite scared to sleep now. I think Cassie's real! (There's a reason my sis refuses to sleep in my room, coupled with the freaky stuff we both encountered and mum saying my room is a cold spot. Zzz)
*According to the chinese, an unusually cold place in a house is usually haunted. Great.

But after all my hotel encounters I should be used to random weird happenings. But it'd still be mighty scary to talk to yourself and the chair swivels (45degrees is alr enough) and faces you. Trust me I jumped up and stared at it for awhile. Hmm...maybe I'm imagining things...

Actually the guy who asked me for no.was so cute! What was I thinking? Lol

I should stop crying. It makes me ugly. I wanna be pretty again, and fall in love with myself all over again. Pisceans always unbelievably neglect themselves to a large extent. My horoscope keeps telling me I have to look out for myself, treat myself better, stop giving in to everyone's whims and start with myself. Okay whatever. I think I treat myself well enough. I mean, I'm gaining weight! Lol. And I think its my friends who look out so much for me. I think if not for friends my blurness would've killed me years ago.

Like the time when I happily stepped off the curb after seeing the DRIVERS INDICATOR turn green. Don't ask me why I wasn't looking at the pedestrian traffics lights. I stepped right in front of a double decker and would've been mash if Queen didn't grab my collar and haul me back. Eh the Queen of Blur saved me! Hahaha.
And the countless times Pam made me stop doing stupids things which would've gotten me lost, mugged, murdered, electrocuted, stabbed or cheated. Yayy to you guys.

So I studied with Minhui today! So happy. I think we can really talk a lot about anything. But its so nice! I can't wait for stayover muaha! But can't be like that time she came over and we
1. slept
2. talked
3. "studie..."

I'm going to lose so much weight after As I'll lose myself.

Everytime I wanna study now, I listen to a happy song, then emo song. Then when I'm positively neutral(what an oxymoron) I'll study. Then I'd get depressed and the cycle starts again! Minhui ask me not to drink so much coffee. Okay I should try orange juice someday. (now I'll stick to celery beetroot thankyou)
Or try Henry's celery green apple! HAHA that one sounds like hell.

I know you guys are like,"Hello, madwoman, what the hell are you gabbing abt? Celery beetroot sounds disgusting." Separately laa. Celery. Beetroot. If it doesn't help me at least it adds to the mania. Hehhehheh

I got a cut on my leg! Which, as usual I didn't feel until I see blood.
Thought 1, "Ooh where did that come from?"
Thought 2, "Shit, not again."
Which you guys in Czech would know. Lol

Tell you all next time!

Sugar! Your blog songs super nice. I open your blog then start surfing ard. Lol thanks! Prom shopping soon!!

Until then, study hard!

*breathe in,breathe out slowwwwwy...

Hope it helps. Jiayou! Oh, my phone is weird. It keeps getting turned off by the erratic owner being eccentric. SO...if you're looking for me, call my house.

Its 67123456.

have a good day.


loved on 11:03 PM

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Friday, Sep 25th, 2009 -- Once again, you can feel so much pressure from your job that the stress is taking its toll on your relationships. You cannot ignore your professional obligations, but neither can you go on avoiding your personal life. Don't let your unbridled hope trick you into making empty promises at home or at work, for you will be required to come through with the goods later tonight.

How am I gonna get that killer heels? 

When you can't get it, you don't forget about it. You think of ways to get it. 

How do I make this thing go away? I wish to get out of here as soon as possible. Wait, that's exactly what I've been thinking since June last year. *breatheinbreatheout.Whew. Soon.  How I hate this place. I practically ran out today.

Anyway I feel a bit sorry for that guy. I didn't mean to. *shrugs. I've gotta clear up so much stuff and I'm not in the mood for anything even close to that. Sorry...
Urgh I keep doing everything wrong nowadays. 

RiverIsland jersey thing. $129? It looks so nice! But heels're so much better and pam'll agree. hehheh :D

Life's unfair. We don't always get what we want. 

What you want may not be what you get 
 and what you get may not be what you asked for.


loved on 8:41 PM

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My tarot reading says I should stop buying small superficial things to go to my ultimate goal or to achieve them. I would get caught in a vicious cycle of using material things to gauge my success and would work entirely to buy.
(damn I was always afraid of that)

O: really? Okay 1 last dress and I'm done. Really.

I look like a ghost in the reflection!! O: HAHA pamela what did you take?

I wish we could go back in time to Czech to Andsec to happy times. But no matter. I've lots of things now anyway. (I don't mean material things -.-)
I still got Pam and now have Wendy and Castro and friends!
I'm going out dinner with Henry!
I might go chalet partying on Sis's birthday.

Anyway, girls, if you wanna get the dodo palgantong powder which Sasa sells for $16, get it online. It's so much cheaper! It's okay only la. A bit over-rated.

Latest debate: Is underwear an unneccessary exatravagance?

Haha! Jk!
But sure sounds like a gp question though.


loved on 11:09 AM

Monday, September 21, 2009

Yangru sent this to me. Haha thanks. 
Should I buy that blue dress? yes no yes no yes no yes. Yes. 

you said move on where do I go
I guess second best is all I will know

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the
road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken
by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it
he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog
walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some iced water brought right

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued
the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a
dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been
closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he
gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their
best friends behind."


loved on 9:10 PM

It's really cool, I mean I've always seen it and never used it. Ahahah. Go draw a graph then F4, F6, F6, F1.
Have fun!

I love doing this. Because I'm not one who subscribes to that.
Now the lesson's learnt, 
I touched and I was burned.

I guess you'll want to hit me but,
been there, done that.
And never again.

After tmr's paper.
1. Lunch
2. Stayover
3. Lunch with Topless Five
4. Dinner with Henry

I wanna paint my shoes! Who wants can ask me. Ugly drawings guaranteed.
Hey! Its art too.

"You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."
Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice


loved on 4:23 PM

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I'm off to hang myself.

Tiring stuffs.
Headaches everyday. Why do I complain, really. I'm used to it.
But they complain too. They're forty and used to it.

I don't get it when people fuss over headaches though I should understand them.
It's like you haven't got it at all but once you do, you make a big thing out of it.

Just like people whose lives suck a lot more say,
"Look at your puny life. You're in comfort. Shut the hell up."
But seriously it's true.
Our lives are so much better than...half the world's population?

We should be happy!

Unfortunately that's also the question.


loved on 12:33 PM

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I wanna be rich,
and I want lots of money.
I don't care about clever I don't care about funny.

I am so tired of having headaches everyday! Why must I put up with this. Sometimes I think its unfair. Ah whatever life's like that.

I feel so numb I don't know why. I feel strangely happy everyday. Though I think my subconscious is depressed. Yay. I think I'm living a double life sometimes. Conscious and unconscious. In my dreams I'll wake up crying. Or its simply just lots of crazy and high partying. At least I'm having a life I never had.
 (I can't wake up from this nightmare. Though I've a feeling my outside body is already dead. Please let me wake up before its too late.)

I want lots of clothes 
and I want lots of diamonds.
I heard people die while trying to find them.

I've been going to school happily for exams. This is slightly abnormal. Considering that I'm the kind who...ah whatever I just don't like it. I keep shopping. I'm going to hibernate and save money after As. Then hoard so much money my bank will have more pounds than me. (I'm freakin gaining weight)

Now I'm not a saint,
but I'm not a sinner
and everything's cool as long as I'm gettin' thinner.

Oh, and I managed to screw Othello too. Screw up. Screw up the paper. Damnit.
First I said he was pathetic.
Then I said he was an outcast and everyone discriminated against him.
Thirdly, I said that deep down, he knew it himself.
Omg what the hell was I thinking? I didn't think I had that much suppressed emotions about Othello I had to slam him in the exams.

Oh gosh. And no one gets away with ze karmic repercussions of dissing Othello. I mean, look at what happened to Cassio. And that turbann'd Turk (who is also racist, btw). Oh hell.

Oh tell you guys sth interesting. I was reading my lit notes. "Arise, black vengeance from thy hollow hell!"
I wrote: Hollow, because all the devils are not there but here.
Freaky, I didn't know the interpretation was so creepy.

Anyway. Jiayou to all who are curently depressed or sad or unhappy. Please don't let As or AJ get to you. Its so not effing worth it. 

And I'm a weapon of massive consumption,
and its not my fault it's how I'm programmed to function.

I think I might swear off drinking anything.
Okay swear off shopping and drinks. Neighbour'll be so proud of me. I might need like a few years. But I'd probably be dead from all this nonsense.

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore,I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore...
And when do you think it will all become clear?
Cos I've been taken over by the Fear.

Hello, here's the easy button for you guys. When the going gets tough, the tough go mugging! Just press the easy button. You guys can do it. Love you all/ (:


loved on 11:43 AM

Monday, September 14, 2009


Freak. But it's good listening to all these annoying songs cos it makes you you're not there. That would be best.

Secondly I made a new friend. She's totally sweet and cute. (Yr please don't say till I'm like some les). I love talking to strangers. Again, cos they make me feel like I'm not here.

Thirdly, I wonder when the pgt powder is coming. Hmm...

Fourthly. Castro I'm not happy, not sad. I don't know what I feel. I do know I feel like I'm not here though. This is funny. It's like after your feet is so numb that you can't feel it anymore. You know your feet is still there(duh) just that you totally cannot feel it. I think it's cool.

During tuition: SR teaching W and me doing work at one side.
SR *points at organic cpd: So what's your nature?
Wendy                                   : Mild
Me*cuts in same time      : Weird
SR*pulls hair

So W has been losing worksheets. I suspect its me! XD Anyway I think losing things are a kind of comfort.
 Like things can simply drop out of existence.
And everyone accepts it.

They might cry, fuss or worry over it.
Even grieve.
But they don't question why it got lost.
They ask how it got lost.

And we get over lost things pretty easily. Comparatively easier.
On our minds, but we accept the loss.
Accepting losses is still something we all cope with.
Well, live and learn.


loved on 1:23 PM

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I've learnt the art of thinking without thinking.
Or at least I think I have.
At least I'm writing normally now.

So been shopping online. Looking at stuff. All makeup. Clothes are...abit far off now. So yea. So you fill in name, acc details, etc.

Distribution: Normal

Yea that's normal or registered postage. Hahaha

Thanks wendy for the funny brand thing. Lol

Tonight’s the night 
Let’s live it up
I got my money
Let’s spend it all

Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it again.


loved on 10:30 PM

 just gonna walk around aimlessly searching for something that's not there, hoping for something's that's not gonna happen and wishing for something that I'm not gonna have.

thanks for saying that. I guess lr there'd be stuff too. I'm not all that yknow. It's all for the best.

what would you do if that happened? I wish you'd shake me out and pour me down just so. To see.

i usually don't say it but no, I've never heard of it and I'm not lying. I don't wanna know anyway so don't tell me.

we'll do this all eternity.

her dress matches mine in this rainy day.

my umbrella is clothed in plus-sized rainbow.

to speak disjointed sentences and stone is a luxury.

to sing and watch people is another.

our arguments are always negative override. So that's why it ends this way.

what I wear and what I surround myself with tells. I wear black to match my mood but everything I carry is colorful. I want to feel colorful. But there's always a but.

dress up when you're feeling down.

The best advice she gave.


loved on 12:04 AM

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wednesday, Sep 9th, 2009 -- You may be shy about your feelings today and your hesitant behavior reflects this lack of confidence. Although you might worry about being rejected or misunderstood by someone you love, remaining silent increases the chances for isolation. Take a risk and bring your suppressed emotions up to the surface where they can be the topic of discussion. Wherever the conversation leads, it will be better than no dialogue at all.

Hmm talking to you made it clearer. Great! (: But that was random and awkward.


loved on 2:06 AM

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

You need to take a breather from your ambitious schedule at the moment and find a way to schedule a little "playtime". You may be considering a vacation soon - if so, pick up cancellation insurance, plans are subject to change. You may have to face a detour or two on the way to work.

Detour. Cool that's alr what I did. I'm okay people. Really. (: I need to find a distraction. Distractions.

Lucky pam talked to me today. Told her to send all the weird msgs to her. Thanks woman. I need that. Guess you won't get those msgs from me anytime soon. Whew.

Castro I might just call you. ^.^ to prank! Lol jk. Thanks tupper.

And yea thanks Abel for talking bout choir. And other random stuff. :D

Seeing Perry tmr too. Yay. (: 

Things just make me  reaaaally happy.


Hehhh. Last one for added measure, yea.
^.^ I love talking to strangers.

Yangru sent me this. yay super cute.


loved on 9:42 PM

People please don't read my blog. There's nothing here that's interesting. Please wait till As are over. Thank you.  But tag if you're here, please. (: Even if to say hi.

A violent stand:
Okay we all know it's ethically wrong and morally and whateverly wrong to kill yourself. But hey, if someone chooses to die its his choice. After all, they are going through so much pain. If they wanna end it then yea. The people who object might be selfish after all. "He should press on" Whatever shit. Dude, he ain't got will to live you can't force him either. I'm all for euthanasia. Shoot me if you want to. Pardon the pun.

But I think its very wrong to kill yourself cos it's a selfish thing. I mean for people who aren't undergoing any sort of visible pain. (inner emotional and mental pain is altogether another thing to be totally disregarded) I mean, think of your parents! And your friends. What kind of a mean bitch or loser you'd be to put them through that kinda pain and torture beacuse they lost you. This immature, reckless not to forget heartless person. Not to mention Him. Or Her. She's gonna just get pissed cos you took your life cos you can't stand pain. What the heck. Next life: A PIG. (Insult to pigs, really. They're smart) Plus your next life'll be a lot more painful hoho. And you can't get out of it cos killing yourself is simply not justified?
"I was...depressed"
"I hate everything"
Uh huh, tell me another one.

I could suggest one method though. Death by studying. Which I am currently implementing. Works pretty well for me. If I died while staying up and mugging I'd just be a silly and stupid hack who studied last min, got stressed and died. Period. Right?

1. People don't die studying. Unfortunately for some.
2. Studying with friends is too much fun. ^.^
3. Staying up with friends is too much fun. Cheers.

C'mon people, it's just a few weeks. We can do it. Don't go mad or sick or nutty over hatred for school, friends or stuff. (:

So don't tell me you wanna kill yourself again or I'll strangle you. You sucky school is so not worth it! Actually our schools are so alike...but yea! Seriously. Say it again I'll break your head. Rarr. Best possible way to die indeed. ):

Oh but uh, anything can call to speak I guess. Don't bottle everything inside yo. Takecare all you lovelies.


loved on 7:36 PM

People please don't read my blog. There's nothing here that's interesting. Please wait till As are over. Thank you.  But tag if you're here, please. (: Even if to say hi.

Not Meant To Be

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you wanted from me
And knowing that if I give that to you
I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's theres no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our lives

Nobody wins when everyone's losing


There's still time to turn this around
You could be building this up instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late


It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, baby I'm sorry to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

I know how you felt.
you shouldn't have sang that time. 
don't worry I won't call. 
as much.


loved on 12:17 AM

Monday, September 7, 2009

Thanks Perry for talking.
And Pam for msging. (: 
And Castro too. 
And Wanchun. Yes I need time.
Love ya all.

No, I won't kill myself. You wish. XD

Yea man, someday we go back and I'll buy you ice cream and that burger. And you'll help us get lost. XD Jk! We'll take lotsa pics with random ppl (ok maybe only me) hahaha, and stay at the same hotel, same view. We'll go out late and drink in our room and sing together. 
And we'll dress up and SHOP and eat gooood food.
Just you and me. <3


loved on 4:25 PM

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Haha okay so Fangqi says I look like her. Nicole from Kara. Okay that's good cos she's really pretty. Lol apparently she has no confidence in her appearance. This just makes the less well-endowed... pissy. Tsk
Going out with Abel and Neighbour was fun! Could like, go out. It's only next door but hey, who's gauging?
We watched Mean Girls and Pulp Fiction. And the superlame Sheep in the City. LOL Abel and I were like "What the..." after we were done. Just like that time me and Pam watched House Bunny! Omg.
Slept at around 5plus. Gosh. Sorryy for making you stay up but you deserved it. XD Heh. Anyway wrote sth. It has a lamo title. Either liberation or that. So yea. Weird. 
And damn, it can't space so I gotta put funny dotty stuff there. Spoils the thing but nvm. (:
Cut me from the shackles, mind.
The rockwall, desperation,
rising tide.
Free me from these chains that bind.
My heart exposed,
For the birds to bite.
Pull me from my cocooned jail,
crushed ribs, salty tears,
The world so bright.
You made me scared and just so sad.
Left for dead,
no matter how I cried.
But out in the cold I understood,
the wings unravelled 
and the tears dried.
"You're beautiful", you smiled in that rare,
"With wings like an angel
and a light so white."
And up in the air when I rose,
I could finally breathe,
my chest so light.
And in this pretty atmosphere,
You smiled at me; I knew that guide.
You'll always remain my little dear.
Yeap. For YOU. (: Thanks for letting me go. Letting yourself go. It's really good cos I know you'll still be the one whom I make fun of, scold, get exasperated over. Three parts sadness, two parts relieved.
(No title. The feeling's indescribable.)
 He's the only guy I cared about,
who made me cry,
yet laugh out loud.
The nonsense, the jokes
the glares and the pokes.
Pulled us closer, like addiction, just like dope.
The smiles, the teasings,
so sweet and pleasing,
Went with the summer, and was gone like the rain.
Now that its gone,
we're both not bad.
Give us some time cos we'll definitely be sad.
He's the only guy I ever cared about,
but we're still firm friends,
 that's without a doubt.

Hahahaha I don't care if they don't sell this po-ultraman-wer ranger thingy anymore. :D
AJ pills.
Can kill. 
heee :D

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loved on 7:18 PM

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Oh this is absolutely funny I realise my previous post is far too cheerful.

And I am far too distracted!

Oh dear.

W says the only friends who're worth keeping are those who still talk to you in your darkest period. Cool

Since last year I already freaking knew. Gosh.

So, I am turning off my phone. It's tired and needs sleep.

For all of you who want to reach can't.

Talking to wc makes me happy. yayy wemmicks <3

If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-marilyn monroe


loved on 4:05 PM

For the Week of Sep 7th, 2009 -- The Moon moves into your 5th House of Romance, Fun and Games on Saturday, providing opportunities for love. Do something special with your partner, if you have one. Or set aside shyness and self-doubt to dress up, go out and strut your stuff. You're almost sure to have a great time and garner some desirable attention too

Tmr's econs paper! I am feeling such a mad sense of happiness. Yes, happiness. Why am I happy? I've many reasons. None of which I know. I just like my life okay? Even as I hate my school. Hehheh ^^

I am happy-high maybe cos I've started not sleeping again. Yayy and castro showed me a lovely song by M. Oooooooohhh *swoons
See? If she was a dude I'd have fallen in love with her the moment she sang while looking at me. *melts

HAHA I realise I am currently in some weirdish state of unequilibrium. What with constantly melting and whatnot. Fangqi sang for me again ytd! *melts again

See? I fall in love with whoever sings to me. What the heck, spontaneous rxn blah blah delta G negative.

I'm delta ASS positive! I miss my ASS. Andsecsch. ):

Thanks Nelm for crazy wordspeak. Weee andsec ppl rock.

Okay since I'm v v happy, whoever sees me get free hugs! Or forced hugs if you refuse. ^.^

Aww but since I'll be mugging at home I won't meet anyone then. My happiness'll last till tmr! So whoever gets hugs too. XD

I think I'm mad, but lit students are always mad, right? Hmm...

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loved on 2:05 PM

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I think what you said made sense.
1. Not the end of the world. Yet.
2. Others can only treat you badly if you let them.
3. You're only sad if you let yourself be.

So i shall stop with my sad posts. There are people to cheer up, talk to, stuff to mug, flowers to smell and strangers to smile at.

I have realised how a complete stranger can make your life seem so much brighter. Times when you can't tell your friends stuff because you know they have their problems too.

There was this 2 times I was walking home. So, cos of what someone said (or did) to me, I was almost gonna burst into tears walking home.

So there was this time a kid ran past me, stopped to look at me, smiled broadly, then ran off. I was just stunned. Then I smiled to myself walking home.

And the woman I saw flipping a blanket on the balcony. I think I kept staring up at the dark blue material while walking down the lane facing her block. When I was directly below the window, I looked up, and she poked her head out to look at me. Then she waved happily while I shouted "Hi!" up like, 6 storeys. It totally made me happy for the rest of the day.

Please don't get pissed that I'm sounding like my friends disregard me to the extent I derive comfort from strangers. They care a lot about me. I just don't tell all. And some stuff are too trivial anyway. But try waving to strangers. It's fun. And funny too.

I have begun sleeping properly again. *hallelujah
This time it doesn't culminate in me sleeping upside-down or using other useless gimmicky methods. Like using Piglet as my headrest- it just led to another day of headache.
Lesson learnt: Piglets should strictly just appear in photos and be used for hugging.

On to what made me sleep. Self-delusion. Yeap, mad as it sounds, it works.
1. Tell yourself all is fine.
2. For now, your problems are yours, mine is mine.
3. Don't look at the time.

Nah, I'm kidding! Self-delusion? Are you whacked? After all our day-time spent doing that, continuing it for the night won't let us sleep.
1. Breathe in and out slooowly.
2. Picture nothing. Yes NOTHING.
3. Make the space blank, or black, if you have it.
4. Push away whatever thoughts come in your mind. Yea literally push them out of your mind.
Make the space blank.
5. Just think of your breathing.

Yeap hope it helps, fellow insomniacs.

I am keeping very very happy! I don't think it's just a phase. Perry made me see things so much clearer now, thankyou. And thankyou for forcing me to see what I needed to see, but have been studiously avoiding. The truth.

Times when you're really grateful for someone who doesn't hesitate about giving you the truth. "The whole truth and nothing but the truth." -Miami Vice

Truth is a dish best served cold.

Thankyou Pam and Castro for constantly forcing me to see things too. But you guys haven't the heart to slam in right front of me. You guys are too sweet.

Thanks Leon for always making me smile. (: muaha

And not to forget, thanks to you. For always managing to ignore me. What can I do but to just push you out now. No thoughts. *pushpushpush I can finally sleep.

My tarot reading:
Queen of Swords:
When you find that you're tired of being right but alone, you can change your mind and find resolution or healing, beginning with an honest acknowledgment of the situation, along with responsible and direct communication. Grieve for your losses and accept that love isn't perfect. (omg, yea perry) An underlying belief that perfection can exist is what creates such disappointed expectations in the first place.

Nine of Swords:
if this torment is recurring, realize that it isn't about what you have done to deserve this, but more abt the natural consequences of sth you've been unable to see clearly till now. This is abt that moment of painful yet necessary realization. You know you can't go on like this anymore-- there is no going back. Inevitable change must come.

Ten of Swords:
Go out with dignity or make the inevitable changes on your own terms and you might actually feel relieved, in control and liberated. Brighter days are still ahead of you. While this may be the end of one era, it can be the beginning of another as long as you don't keep throwing yourself to the wolves in order to prove yourself or your love.

Five of Chalices:
I intend to let go of nostalgia and choose to make peace with loss or mourn to move forward. I release the rut of regret and the fear of tomorrow to make way for forgiveness, pleasure, beauty and hope. I am empowered by my conscience and my gift is forgiveness.

suggests that you might feel unappreciated or isolated. There may also be confidence or support issues that keep you from fully committing. Keeping up appearances when the fire is almost gone (or for the sake of others)could be more abt pride, codependency or ego. You deserve to shine, feel attractive and express your passion, even if it means moving on or getting away.

Queen of Chalices:
my power today lies in intuition and drama. I trust my intuition and nurture an environment of deep devotion, patience and intense passion. I mirror my hearts desire and am never too busy to connect to those who trust, love and need me. It's the thought that counts. Many can say I would die for them--only I can live for them--spoken with sincerity by a true Drama Queen. I am empowered by embracing my emotions and unconditional love is my gift.

Ouche. I think my hand just started this weird achy thing. Ouch. Damn. Gp tmr. Ouch.

Ps: I'm addicted to burning pens.

Pps: I have a pen fetish. ^^

I'm really happy. It's laaaaaaasting.

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loved on 6:53 PM