Saturday, September 26, 2009
I'm in such low spirits.
Greg and Cass are ignoring me. They're my imaginary friends, btw. Not really la. Greg is the lift ghost and Cassie lives in the painting in my room. Anyway Minhui has Mary too! Who helped us get a seat in the library hahaha.
I think I'm really lucky to have friends.
Thanks Pam for the hug! (: I needed that.
Castro knows how I feel abt ___ too. I can just be sad and she won't question me.
And Henry! Just talking nonsense made me feel so much better.(: So glad we could meet up. Oh when I went to the toilet I saw myself in the mirror and almost died. I look like a ghost of my former self. (no pun intended)
I really miss him, bus should've come later. Henry stop thinking so much! And sorry I didn't wanna talk abt him. Heh. I'm going to get you that ugly toy in the shop, you wait. XD HAHAHA
Anyways I don't think one should bother abt what others say. When criticisms pile up, usually I get pissed and the person dies. (not literally,you wish) SO. Do whatever you want,wear whatever you want. Hell, you can be wearing a sarong and I'd still love you. Lol no offence, sarong-wrapping people out there.
Actually, I'm quite scared to sleep now. I think Cassie's real! (There's a reason my sis refuses to sleep in my room, coupled with the freaky stuff we both encountered and mum saying my room is a cold spot. Zzz)
*According to the chinese, an unusually cold place in a house is usually haunted. Great.
But after all my hotel encounters I should be used to random weird happenings. But it'd still be mighty scary to talk to yourself and the chair swivels (45degrees is alr enough) and faces you. Trust me I jumped up and stared at it for awhile. Hmm...maybe I'm imagining things...
Actually the guy who asked me for no.was so cute! What was I thinking? Lol
I should stop crying. It makes me ugly. I wanna be pretty again, and fall in love with myself all over again. Pisceans always unbelievably neglect themselves to a large extent. My horoscope keeps telling me I have to look out for myself, treat myself better, stop giving in to everyone's whims and start with myself. Okay whatever. I think I treat myself well enough. I mean, I'm gaining weight! Lol. And I think its my friends who look out so much for me. I think if not for friends my blurness would've killed me years ago.
Like the time when I happily stepped off the curb after seeing the DRIVERS INDICATOR turn green. Don't ask me why I wasn't looking at the pedestrian traffics lights. I stepped right in front of a double decker and would've been mash if Queen didn't grab my collar and haul me back. Eh the Queen of Blur saved me! Hahaha.
And the countless times Pam made me stop doing stupids things which would've gotten me lost, mugged, murdered, electrocuted, stabbed or cheated. Yayy to you guys.
So I studied with Minhui today! So happy. I think we can really talk a lot about anything. But its so nice! I can't wait for stayover muaha! But can't be like that time she came over and we
1. slept
2. talked
3. "studie..."
I'm going to lose so much weight after As I'll lose myself.
Everytime I wanna study now, I listen to a happy song, then emo song. Then when I'm positively neutral(what an oxymoron) I'll study. Then I'd get depressed and the cycle starts again! Minhui ask me not to drink so much coffee. Okay I should try orange juice someday. (now I'll stick to celery beetroot thankyou)
Or try Henry's celery green apple! HAHA that one sounds like hell.
I know you guys are like,"Hello, madwoman, what the hell are you gabbing abt? Celery beetroot sounds disgusting." Separately laa. Celery. Beetroot. If it doesn't help me at least it adds to the mania. Hehhehheh
I got a cut on my leg! Which, as usual I didn't feel until I see blood.
Thought 1, "Ooh where did that come from?"
Thought 2, "Shit, not again."
Which you guys in Czech would know. Lol
Tell you all next time!
Sugar! Your blog songs super nice. I open your blog then start surfing ard. Lol thanks! Prom shopping soon!!
Until then, study hard!
Guys,
*breathe in,breathe out slowwwwwy...
Hope it helps. Jiayou! Oh, my phone is weird. It keeps getting turned off by the erratic owner being eccentric. SO...if you're looking for me, call my house.
Its 67123456.
have a good day.Labels: dance for me
loved on 11:03 PM
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I think what you said made sense.
1. Not the end of the world. Yet.
2. Others can only treat you badly if you let them.
3. You're only sad if you let yourself be.
So i shall stop with my sad posts. There are people to cheer up, talk to, stuff to mug, flowers to smell and strangers to smile at.
I have realised how a complete stranger can make your life seem so much brighter. Times when you can't tell your friends stuff because you know they have their problems too.
There was this 2 times I was walking home. So, cos of what someone said (or did) to me, I was almost gonna burst into tears walking home.
So there was this time a kid ran past me, stopped to look at me, smiled broadly, then ran off. I was just stunned. Then I smiled to myself walking home.
And the woman I saw flipping a blanket on the balcony. I think I kept staring up at the dark blue material while walking down the lane facing her block. When I was directly below the window, I looked up, and she poked her head out to look at me. Then she waved happily while I shouted "Hi!" up like, 6 storeys. It totally made me happy for the rest of the day.
Please don't get pissed that I'm sounding like my friends disregard me to the extent I derive comfort from strangers. They care a lot about me. I just don't tell all. And some stuff are too trivial anyway. But try waving to strangers. It's fun. And funny too.
I have begun sleeping properly again. *hallelujah
This time it doesn't culminate in me sleeping upside-down or using other useless gimmicky methods. Like using Piglet as my headrest- it just led to another day of headache.
Lesson learnt: Piglets should strictly just appear in photos and be used for hugging.
On to what made me sleep. Self-delusion. Yeap, mad as it sounds, it works.
1. Tell yourself all is fine.
2. For now, your problems are yours, mine is mine.
3. Don't look at the time.
Nah, I'm kidding! Self-delusion? Are you whacked? After all our day-time spent doing that, continuing it for the night won't let us sleep.
1. Breathe in and out slooowly.
2. Picture nothing. Yes NOTHING.
3. Make the space blank, or black, if you have it.
4. Push away whatever thoughts come in your mind. Yea literally push them out of your mind.
Make the space blank.
5. Just think of your breathing.
6. In...out...in...out...zzz(hopefully)
Yeap hope it helps, fellow insomniacs.
I am keeping very very happy! I don't think it's just a phase. Perry made me see things so much clearer now, thankyou. And thankyou for forcing me to see what I needed to see, but have been studiously avoiding. The truth.
Times when you're really grateful for someone who doesn't hesitate about giving you the truth. "The whole truth and nothing but the truth." -Miami Vice
Truth is a dish best served cold.
Thankyou Pam and Castro for constantly forcing me to see things too. But you guys haven't the heart to slam in right front of me. You guys are too sweet.
Thanks Leon for always making me smile. (: muaha
And not to forget, thanks to you. For always managing to ignore me. What can I do but to just push you out now. No thoughts. *pushpushpush I can finally sleep.
My tarot reading:
Queen of Swords:
When you find that you're tired of being right but alone, you can change your mind and find resolution or healing, beginning with an honest acknowledgment of the situation, along with responsible and direct communication. Grieve for your losses and accept that love isn't perfect. (omg, yea perry) An underlying belief that perfection can exist is what creates such disappointed expectations in the first place.
Nine of Swords:
if this torment is recurring, realize that it isn't about what you have done to deserve this, but more abt the natural consequences of sth you've been unable to see clearly till now. This is abt that moment of painful yet necessary realization. You know you can't go on like this anymore-- there is no going back. Inevitable change must come.
Ten of Swords:
Go out with dignity or make the inevitable changes on your own terms and you might actually feel relieved, in control and liberated. Brighter days are still ahead of you. While this may be the end of one era, it can be the beginning of another as long as you don't keep throwing yourself to the wolves in order to prove yourself or your love.
Five of Chalices:
I intend to let go of nostalgia and choose to make peace with loss or mourn to move forward. I release the rut of regret and the fear of tomorrow to make way for forgiveness, pleasure, beauty and hope. I am empowered by my conscience and my gift is forgiveness.
Sun(reversed):
suggests that you might feel unappreciated or isolated. There may also be confidence or support issues that keep you from fully committing. Keeping up appearances when the fire is almost gone (or for the sake of others)could be more abt pride, codependency or ego. You deserve to shine, feel attractive and express your passion, even if it means moving on or getting away.
Queen of Chalices:
my power today lies in intuition and drama. I trust my intuition and nurture an environment of deep devotion, patience and intense passion. I mirror my hearts desire and am never too busy to connect to those who trust, love and need me. It's the thought that counts. Many can say I would die for them--only I can live for them--spoken with sincerity by a true Drama Queen. I am empowered by embracing my emotions and unconditional love is my gift.
Ouche. I think my hand just started this weird achy thing. Ouch. Damn. Gp tmr. Ouch.
Ps: I'm addicted to burning pens.
Pps: I have a pen fetish. ^^
I'm really happy. It's laaaaaaasting.Labels: dance for me, love, sing
loved on 6:53 PM
