For the Week of Oct 12th, 2009 -- You tend to be an "all the way" person who gives everything when it comes to matters of the heart. However, being a good negotiator might be essential for keeping a current relationship in balance or getting a new one off to a healthy start. If someone isn't willing to meet you halfway, then he or she is not the kind of person you need in your life.
Please refrain from reading, angsty, slightly crazed rants. I think there's sth wrong. I am feeling nothing but everything. And it scares me, frankly. I can't be alone. When I'm with friends I forget about the inside me. But with myself and I its so so awkward. Its like I don't know myself anymore. The inside and the outside are just so different. I can feel my inside bursting, screaming, crying. But outside I don't feel anything at all! Its like zero, zilch, nada. I go about doing work so mechanically it scares me. I tell myself all I have to do is cry. Then it'll be okay. But the thing is, I can't even cry no matter how I make myself. Frankly this is scaring me. I don't know how to connect these two...entities? Its a double thing going on. Oh dear. I think I cried so much everyday my tears dried up. Or my tear ducts got screwed and now I can't cry anymore. I mean its cool not being able to cry but seriously? The most I can manage is 1m3 to moist my lens. Damn it. And I can't talk to the one inside cos she refuses to talk. How retarded can she get? It's not the time to go into hiding! This is not funny. I need to get myself spiritually straightened out. I think I'll do yoga? How! How the hell do I fix this? I see the inside and outside doing such two different things. Two different lives. Me and myself.
Okay great I love writing. It relieves stress. Whew. I rmb a long time ago tarot reading that scared me. It was done by Min. Basically it was a hermit and queen of sth and sth else. But the one that struck me most, and Min said her readings were darn accurate, was that, "Beauty would be my downfall." I thought if I grew into a pretty thing then yea it'd be true. So I was scared. Thank goodness its not happening. One thing off my mind. Min, thanks for the scare. Ahh,I miss her. OMG I just found a photo of Dheva on this lappie. And its titled "yc's bf" HAHAHA OMG. Who sent that!!!!! Rofl. I'm dying of laughter. Shit.
