Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, Jul 26th, 2009 -- You are intrigued by the idea of digging into an emotional issue that may be preventing you from taking a relationship to the next level of intensity. But your attraction is not enough, for as you get closer to your feelings, it becomes harder to talk about them. Although you are usually able to let your emotions wash over you without fear of drowning, it's wise today to keep your head above water until you figure out exactly what to do next.
Ooh hello dear neglected people! You haven't heard me rant for so long I bet your ears have shrivelled up. Pardon me for assuming that's the only weird things you hear.( Though being in AJ, that's not such a stretch of the truth)
So basically I've been crazy. Yea. Hopping mad, I tell you. Or Castro'll tell you. Or anyone brave enough to come near me. Ups and downs and upside-downs. You name it, I have it.
Have you wondered what's it like to go so high up over a swing that you flip across it? I'm kinda thinking you'd continue winding yourself on the top bar. Unless you fall and break your back first.
I've been playing on the swings in amk park. Now its taken away! Probably on account of the bar being loose and the whole frame shakes when you swing and you have a feeling it'll break any second, taking you sailing over the trees. Well, it's gone now, so perhaps it's finally broken. Or some fatality occured. Well. That's too bad. Castro and me loved playing on it. CH took a photo too! So fun. Love my class.
So what else have I done? I don't know. Really.
I stil have funny feelings abt granddad. I mean it might've been because I woke up and thought abt him when he died. Or perhaps my name is the only name he rmbs out of all the cousins. (Yea, seriously)
I rmb the adults all looked at me like I was mad. Cos they were talking abt him not being able to breathe and then he died.
"Must've been difficult."
Then I piped up, "No, he was very happy. Peaceful. He was very satisfied."
Then my parents said I was talking nonsense and tried to throw me out of the room. Then I was pushed out, but not before saying that I dreamt about him, and he was fine.
"He'd want you all to know he was happy."
I could see them crying.
This raw grief,
I didn't think it'd go away.
Last vestiges of my heart.
Maybe that's why it doesn't hurt anymore.
I still rmb how he shouted at this guy in the ward who asked to go home with me. Yea GO HOME WITH ME. Like if he were 10 it's be kinda cute. But he was like 28?! Seriously. Weird. Lucky my granddad shouted, "What are you doing! Stop it! You(*points to me) come back here!" Well he could still shout. Note that lungpower. I love that man. I was getting spooked by that guy who was insisting I was from his church. And he was cornering me to that bathroom. I think if granddad didn't come to my rescue I'd have stabbed him with that paring knife.
So, I didn't say it that time, but, thank you granddad. Whenever I go to hospitals I'd think of you, and how you shouted in that small room. And how you made me run around the hospital finding orange juice. And being pissed when I pretended there weren't any and came back with hot tea. (But you were coughing!)And how you always rmbed my name and called the rest of them, "Eh." How you knew I never took chrysanthemum. How you always opened the cat tin because you knew I wanted to feed the cat. How you forced the cat to eat though obviously she wasn't hungry. How you let me know you were happy before you went.
Labels: disappointment, friends, happy, hate, love, sad, school
loved on 8:50 PM