Sometimes we have to lower our expectations.
With hope comes pain,when our expectation is not fufilled and what is left is bitter disappointment.
You told me to cry is good, because it shows you care. But not over you. It's obvious you don't give a damn. I'm sorry but it's true.
`
First time blogging after SYF! GWH. Last post so long ago. Seriously, I feel like so much (shit) has happened. I have so many things to say,that I end up not blogging at all.
So.
Happ(ier)y things.
1. My bro knows, amazingly, that I am depressed and got me mars bars and kinder bueno. I told pam he'll be a damn good bf.
2. Class outing today! Those who didn't go for no reason (Eric!), automatically got disowned. Hahaha.
Manhatten Fish Market at Dhoby is surprisingly not nice. Fish too oily, lemon tea too sweet, calamari not even near good. Service was fine though.
3. BC stuff finally settled. Thank goodness.
Weird things.
1. I have headaches everyday now. Isn't this the HOLS? Freaking hell.
2. During pe when I was stoning, Yufen walked past me, *does hand signal saying, "Come back." Then she said I snapped back and listened to Mr Lim talk without even seeming heard what she said. And the thing was, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR HER! I didn't even realise I was stoning.
3. Ate at the cafe at amk library with Castro and Tutor! XD Then we went to play swings. Yayy. The 3rd swing was swinging by itself for awhile. Gave me a sense of deja-vu. Or deva-ju(lol,Diy). Then Castro scared me! Stupid woman.
4. I think the lift at my house adores me. Everytime I walk up to take it, I don't have to press the button cos it automatically opens for me. Almost all the time.
I sound mad, but the lift is always there for me, sends me home safely and protects me from lots of things. I can sometimes almost imagine the lift blowing me gently on the top of my head (air ventilator).
The only time it was cranky and trapped me inside, I wasn't scared, which was kinda weird. My first thought was,"No! My noodles'll get soggy!"
Then,"Shit, the lift's stuck."
But the lift's the first thing I see when I go out, and the last thing I see when I come home. I so depend on the lift ensuring my safety (The only person who would care - my own dad says I look ghostly at night so ppl won't mug me.)
So I always say thank you (like a crazed loon) after I get out. Which is probably the reason for its affectionate behaviour towards me.
I hope there isn't some lift ghost. I have my hands full with under-the-bed ghost and the toilet ghost (2/6 inside joke).
Sad things.
1. My revision sucks.
2. I want to run away! But I've no guts. Nor money, actually, due to recent...over-expenditure.*winces. I'll prob try that thing out when I'm 40 and have more time to do impt things like running away and going after what I really want.
3. I am a direction-less dumbo. I mean, when I was lost in Czech or Italy or Thailand or Taiwan,I had pamela with me.Or I was just plain reckless and happy I didn't care if I died or got mugged.
But to get lost in S'pore, freaking hell, after a v v v v v bad day, with 18 gp articles due, 5 people asked, 2 blisters, 1 headache and a dead phone and almost crying.
I actually sat down and wanted to cry but I was facing some stupid bar and I walked past it thrice and this dude kept staring at me because he saw my face. I had to walk past the bar thingy through the corridor so I was so close to all of them. So I looked up, he looked up to my face and one tear rolled down. And yes, there was a stupid bright light above me and he saw. Then his face was like, O: and concern. Freak. Goodness I knew he was coming to talk to me and I up-ed and scooted away.
Anyway I was having such a blast walking around and finding the place I decided not to go after all, (sorry Henry) and continue walking around.
And when I was coming home, as if the day didn't suck enough,a car tried to kill me. First I checked the road near my house (usually no cars) then I crossed, seeing no cars.Then this red car shot out from a corner and came toward me.
In my good mood, I has decided to wear black to match it. So he prob couldn't really see me. I was kinda debating whether to walk a bit quicker when he was almost 4m away. Luckily (given my luck that day this would be a bit of a understatement) the driver saw me and slowed from about 120kph to 40. And immediately after I crossed its path it zoomed right behind me, miraculously picking up speed to about 80kph after 3 secs.
My lesson? Uh, never underestimate cars.
Funny things.
1. Singaporeans are not the unfriendly kind who won't listen when you ask for directions. Seriously! They were all damn nice. So what's with the cynical,unfriendly S'poreans thing I don't get now.
Disclaimer: Some don't take to direction giving well.
2. People here are very sensitive. I saw this guy sitting just after a road junction on the pavement. He had his bag and everything and just sat there. And he wasn't some homeless guy,he was dressed fine. He just sat and looked at people walking. I stared at him awhile too. Interesting. And people looked at him, decided he was okay and went off. On the other hand, some people saw my woeful face and wanted to ask me sth(but I ran away). 1 guy even stopped to stare, walk after me, but I kinda ran away. Again. Then the girl who kindly lent me her phone. And the one who kept smiling at me on the train. Shows people care. S'poreans hard-hearted? I don't think so.
Disclaimer: Not all care,though. And some can be pretty insensitive.
3. I bought apple juice to cheer myself up.The only other alternative was veggie juice or alcohol. It's freaking town! Stock up, man.
Just a bit of advice (if you're still reading this post which have already wasted 10mins of your precious life, unless you're like me who've nth better to do) then don't read your diary, or journal. Or whatever.
Random but yea. Unless you're someone who uses mild phrases and words and steer from expletives.
Because, I read mine. It's so scary, I just kept having goosebumps. I don't think I'd ever read it again. Things were worse than I remembered.Labels: black, dreams, expectations, sad
loved on 1:01 AM
Okay i only slept around 5 hours yesterday. Sheesh. And i'm not sleepy. I'm supposed to be right?
And there are a lot of weird things that happened before in my room.
1. I was camwhoring in my room and i took a pic of myself and it turned out negative. I didn't even try out any funny effects! I totally deleted it, then pressed the shutter and took a pic of the floor. Which turned out fine. A freak of technology? O:
2. I thought i heard my sister calling me outside my room so i opened the door and went out. And found out she was still sleeping soundly next door. (maybe that's why i can't sleep)
3. I glanced up at the painting in my room and saw someone standing at the window in the painting's house. Freaked me out for a sec, then it blurred out to a shadow.
4. I used to sing in my room, really loudly. Then someone shushed me. Like, "Sshh!" And i was the only one in my room! I just ran out, thinking i was overreacting.
But sis used to sleepover in my room, so one night when i returned from brushing my teeth, saw her sitting near the door, looking scared. She told me she was singing when she heard a loud "Sshh!"
5. My mum says my room always feels cold. Some people say it's like this cold spot in the house that's haunted. Nonsense. The only thing drifting around in my room at night is me.
6. Mom says she cut off my hair when i was young cos i used to walk out to the dining room and just sit there, long hair and all, looking pretty much like, you guessed it. A ghost.
7. I don't believe in ghosts, but i do think there are parallel universes with beings in different dimensions. But why call them ghosts? It's such an unglam name.
8. Anyway, I didn't dare to say it. But you know there's this one episode of Supernatural when they tried to catch this monster eating/ killing children sleeping in bed?
When my siblings were younger, I would walk into their rooms on purpose, especially if they're sleeping alone. And just check on them. I was always very scared I would find something there.
So i get up at night sometimes and just sit beside them. Okay i might actually be weirdly paranoid. So you can imagine this sense of deja vu when i saw that on tv.
9. In case you're wondering, nope, i never did have an imaginary friend. I had my sister to play with all the time.
10. The only spirit i ever saw was 4/6's class spirit.
Labels: dreams, fancies, ghosts
